Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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