I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
