Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
