He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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