i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
