You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize