his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
