Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
