question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
