im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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