Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
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