You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
