Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
