i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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