I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
