it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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