When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
