If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
