Sry I called you an 8
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
