Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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