I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Text me some of your sweat
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize