and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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