you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
