Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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