Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
