wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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