I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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