i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
