My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
