textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There r osticjed everywhere
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
