There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
