im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
