Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
