I am spending my child support on dildos
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
