umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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