I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
