I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think your dad took our porno
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
