Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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