I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
