the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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