you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
