WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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