Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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