I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
