So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
