I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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