I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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