Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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