my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
