Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My vagina just clenched in fear
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize