At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
