i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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