My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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