Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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