I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
