I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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