Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
