STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
