I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
