Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
