Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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