Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
