My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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