Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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