do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
