Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
