We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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