if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
