just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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