She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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