I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
